More Bathroom Follies

I treat my visits to public bathrooms like NASCAR pit stops. I tend to sprint into the bathroom at the last moment (though it occasionally costs me moron tax) and have a inside-the-stall procedure that maximizes efficiency. I stick to the basics -- pants come down, pants come up -- I don't spend time checking myself in the mirror or adjusting my clothes. My typical bathroom visit clocks in at less than two minutes.

Once in a while, a small error in my bathroom routine occurs. And, because I am usually in such a hurry, I don't catch it until I am out the door. Here's an example from a few months ago:

It was a hot, sunny afternoon, and I took a stroll around the office. When I got back to the office, I went to the bathroom. I laid the toilet seat cover on the toilet, did my business, and dressed. Unfortunately, I did not notice that I was a little sweaty from my walk. I also failed to notice that much of the toilet seat cover had consequently stuck to my skin, rather than follow its destiny down the toilet. When I pulled up my pants, I pushed up the toilet seat cover, scrunching it up to (and slightly past) my waistband. I did not notice this either. It was not until an hour later that I noticed a light crunching sound when I walked but that stopped when I stopped. I paused, reached to scratch my back, and felt rumpled paper. Confused, I tugged at the paper. While standing in the hallway, I pulled out the full length of the toilet set cover which unfolded like an accordian in my hands.