Moron Purchases

I am the type of person who buys an unjustifiable amount of outdoor gear because I think that this new season's advertised technological breakthroughs will make up for all my athletic shortcomings. There is a constant stream of seamless long underwear, wind-shedding jackets, waterproof gloves (gloves are never really waterproof, yet I keep hoping), wool hiking socks, and ever-lighter backpacks flowing from the internet to my porch.



This is all moron tax, for no advance in fleece can ward away lactic acid buildup and no hiking shoe will make a 2000 ft ascent go any faster.




Or, as my friend Michelle succinctly put it, what's the point in focusing on a backpack that's 10 grams lighter, when you're carrying several pounds of extra fat in your thighs?

Oh how devastatingly true.


**Not quite moron tax, but for those who might be interested in real backcountry-related mistakes, Backcountry.com recently sent out a letter about stupid mistakes some of their sponsored ski pros have made in pursuit of their sports. Most of these mistakes led to death or near-death or loss of some precious part of the body.